walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
