Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
