I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
