wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
