Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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