He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
