I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
