I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
