I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
