glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
