We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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