8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
