I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
