The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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