At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
