hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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