you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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