I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
