i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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