I wanna bring you to show and tell
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
