If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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