your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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