It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
