I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's always time for handjobs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
