both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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