also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
