jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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