You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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