Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
