I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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