im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
