I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
