How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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