you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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