if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
