Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
