It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
