I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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