Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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