I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
