These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
