There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
