I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
