If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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