went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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