Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
