I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
