Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
