I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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