i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think i got beer on your cat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
