thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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