He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
