2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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