He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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