his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
