Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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