i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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