I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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