Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
