i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
