my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
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Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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